You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
