remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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