You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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