Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
