i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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