I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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