You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
