Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
