Quick, to the slutcave!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
