I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
