i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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