oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i out mim tonsoeep
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
