I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
