You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
