So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
where are my eyebrows?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
