(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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