Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
