you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
