Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
