You can't special order awesome
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
