whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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