mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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