remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
