yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
