Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
