I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
