you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
