Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
