Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The Olympian is in my bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
