i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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