We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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