I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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