You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
