i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
