I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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