is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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