Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
