just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
