Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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