adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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