im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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