i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
