omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
