I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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