Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
