thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
