If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
