I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
