What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
