Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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