miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
try to milk me bitch
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