Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
